Journey to Your Deepest Self

My Hard Shell

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My hard shell
My old friend
Protector
You’ve tried
To keep me safe
From assault
The pain of opening
Yearning for love’s arrival
Yet once more
Disappointment
Heart breaking
Tearing, twisting, bloodied
Buckling, recoiling
Hopeless, abandoned
No longer able to stand tall
No longer able to be
In this desolate place.

My hard shell
My old friend
Protector
It’s time
To be the fool
To put you down
To let real love arrive
Not once more
But for the first time
Has love evolved?
Has love matured?
So something new can happen
That’s been yearned for
So long in the making
It’s time
To gather courage
To allow
What was only a dream
To be born
In this dark place.

My hard shell
My old friend
Protector
I’m willing
To open
To be real
To feel
No longer a shadow
Of my self
Find out what is left
When I let go
Of how it’s been
When I open
And let love enter
Gently, tenderly
Feeling me
Touching me
Deeply
My long awaited lover
Arriving in the darkness
Of the pain that I’ve known
All that has existed
Until now.

My hard shell
My old friend
Protector
You grow porous
No longer can I pretend
To hide behind the image
Of who I created myself to be
Hiding so well from even me
No longer are you needed
As I discover it’s all inside of me
Nothing to protect myself from
All the joy
All the pain
The victim
The perpetrator
The destroyer
The hater
The lover and the beloved
Always residing in the last place
I believed them to be
Free to open to myself
Free to put down the mask
Free to show who I truly am
Free to give and receive
The love that I’ve yearned for
I welcome you now.

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3 Responses to “My Hard Shell”

  1. Pam Bolton says:

    Thank you, Betty!

    I read this once and then had to read it again, this time out loud, slowly. Personal and universal… it reaches out and touches “my” hard shell.

  2. Kathleen says:

    …no longer can I pretend…
    Thank you Betty for cracking open the hard shell.

  3. Thank you Betty, for cracking the shell with us.

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