Journey to Your Deepest Self

Blue Yes

As I look into the blue yes Of the face of my son He is talking Words like flight, like running and jumping in – Cannonball splash I feel myself depart, searching With swelling desperation The desperation Searching for a way to convey I love you Without guilt Without it being a burden But I am lost Because the desperation will be in it And the guilt I am mute How to convey The feeling that stirs Of being touched by brightness By the essence of light And his smell of clean grass His voice reaches my ears And my heart of hearts Like gentle, pulsing bee song. I can sense him wonder: Where are we? For him The denial begins To seep in The judgments already forming Mom? Inside, The inner voice: Please, don’t ask me I have nothing to offer but Poisoned love Tainted with guilt and guilt And self-hate I have nothing to teach you That I’d want to teach. But teach I do I know He looks to me, A question in his throat, Mom? And in this moment of deep loss A mother’s loss This moment of unreachable-ness Falling away I am reached Her presence surrounds me from below Sweeping me up in her arms I feel her knowing me Understanding and Loving me Completely No questions Only grace Held in the arms of The Mother and her Loving Spirit I find that I am Alright All Right I breathe her in Soak her in I have re-membered My self My wholeness Looking into the blue yes Of the face of my son With new eyes I have taught him a dance Without any telling The dance of losing faith and Finding faith Of being separate from Love And becoming Love Looking into the blue yes Of the face of my...

To My Younger Self

Dear One, I want you to know something very important, that no one has ever told you before. So please listen closely, because this is so important. It’s okay that you hated your mother. It’s really okay. You couldn’t have done better than you did. It was horrendous having her as a mother. You were all alone, so scared, and afraid of her. She attacked you, emotionally, energetically, even physically. You did your best to love her, to stay open, and it wasn’t possible. It was too painful. Of course you would want to push all of that away. You had to close down, in order to survive. Please don’t be hard on yourself. You are a wonderful person. You are loving. You are caring. You are a beautiful, pure child. You can’t expect yourself to be able to deal with forces that even the adults didn’t know what to do with, huge transpersonal forces. Your mother, she also did the best she could. She took in so much denial energy in her life. She didn’t know what to do with it either. She was like you in that way. She did love you as best as she knew how. It was hard for her. She wasn’t able to be there for you in a way that a mother should be there for her child. She didn’t know how. She was terrified, so traumatized. It was more than she could handle also. Now I’m grown up and I can be there for you. You don’t have to carry this alone anymore. I love you so much. I’m going to deal with the denial energy. I’m going to give it so much love that it will melt. It won’t be able to continue any more. It’s the love that’s going to fix all of this. It’s the love that’s why all this happened. And it’s all okay now. You’ve done your job and you’ve done it well – delivering the denial energy to me so that I with the Folks can transmute it now. Thank you sweet one. You’ve been so brave. You took on a big job, and you’ve done it well. It hasn’t been easy. You’ve done an amazing job of finding your way through all of it. Please know that I am so grateful to you. The Folks are so very grateful. And you can give it to me now. You don’t have to carry the burden any more. You are free to open to the love fully. It’s all okay....
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