Journey to Your Deepest Self

On the Road to Self

I don’t know who I am
What I am
Afraid to find out
Who lives inside of me
Hidden away
Too afraid to look
To know you
I imagine a monster
Horrid, bleeding, vile
The worst of the worst
Nothing that can be loved
That can be lovable

I feel the tension
Of wanting to find out
And the fear
Too afraid
To see what’s there
Hidden in the dark
All of who I am
That’s been denied
As if that would solve
Bring relief
To the terror I feel

Others laugh, play, enjoy themselves
Life seems so light and wonderful
For them
Not me, not this
While I try to pretend
Try so hard
To be like them
To not have the monster inside
Knowing deep down
It’s all a façade
Of hiding
From myself

Is it time now?
Am I willing to lose
All the phoniness
I’ve worked so hard
To build up
A fortress
Protecting you from me
Me from myself
It all feels
So intimate
So personal
So significant
So urgent.

The ultimate uncertainty
Is love real?
Even for the likes
Of someone like me?
Dare I find out
Take the step
To love
That which has been judged
As undeserving
To find out
Who I am
Once and for all
To become the movement
That’s never been
Willing to jump
Into the unknown


2 Responses to “On the Road to Self”

  1. Kathleen says:

    “…become the movement”!
    “…willing to jump into the unknown Now”!

    I love this piece. Very rich and evocative. Reminds me of so many childhood games we played: Hide and Seek, Guess Who?, Rescue the Princess. Beautiful.

  2. Luana says:

    Thank You Mother/Betty


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